Apple-picking and Crafty Days

I have been crafty lately. I have some photos of Walker's room that I revamped. The photos only show half of the room, because the other half houses a monstrously huge desk. It will not always be like this! The desk will be moved to another, undisclosed location in the near future. Also, I put a thin bumper in the crib because Walker rolls around and, you guessed it, bumps his head. This bumper in the photos isn't the right size, but I liked the pattern with his crib.

I painted the crib with water-based acrylic. I should have taken a photo of the before shot. We got this crib at a garage sale for $10, got a new mattress and voila!

Also, I made this spyglass for Walker out of acrylic paint, mod podge and a paper towel roll! He isn't going to be a pirate for Halloween. It's just for fun. I think I might like it better than he does. Yesterday, we went apple-picking and got tons of apples! Walker loves them. So do we! Mike's mom went with us. She and Walker love each other so much. It is really cute. The orchard is in Springdale, UT, which houses the main entrance to Zion National Park. It was chilly, so Walker had to wear his new bearish hat, and be bundled up like a little old great-great-great grandpa. He ate and ate and ate this apple... ...and then fell asleep while eating it. It was much fun. I made this pennant banner from leftover twine and burlap from one I made for my sister's birthday picnic. And this ghost I made with mod podge and glitter and black paint. This cornucopia I bought, and then gathered harvesty items to fill it. Mike's mom has one, too. She helped provide me with the plentiful fruits! And finally, a black Halloween wreath I bought at Tai Pan. I put it on the wall and then decided I wanted something in it, so I put this antique pumpkin/crow decoration in it. The antique decoration is from my old boss and dear friend to our little family, Dr. Collins. The spider web to the upper right is authentic.

Family Pictures...

Last night, we had family pictures taken. Haley Ferris Mehr took them. She was so fun to work with! She was going to do my maternity shoot, but was out of town when I felt like I really needed them done. It's a good thing I didn't wait, too, because Walker came the next day! Amy Hummel was amazing, too! She did our newborns, as well.

Anyway, I really came up with the idea for our outfits one night, when I lay in bed, pondering what we liked best. Michael was easy. He loves being a fireman. I am not really a tomboy, or girly-girly, but I love tutus. Walker is a little king. So, I got so excited and called my friend Haley. She was just as excited as I was, and mentioned taking some photos with moustaches on our faces. I loved the idea, but forgot about it until yesterday. When Haley called to say she was leaving for Hurricane, UT for our shoot, and that she finished making our 'staches on a stick, I got so excited all over again!

It was so fun. Haley is so talented with all things design and visual. She mentioned needing a cheap helper for shoots, and I kind of want to volunteer, so she can show me the ropes, just for fun!
Love love LOVED it. And I am excited for more pictures and cupcakes with Haley at Sweet Tooth Fairy later this week!
Oh, and aren't my boys handsome?

Love Locks at the Paul Homestead

On Saturday night, we were probably doing one of the coolest things in St. George, and possibly on earth- putting our un-unlockable Love Lock on the Love Lock Gate on Main Street.
We were invited to the inaugural ceremony by our dear friends, Randy and Tammy Paul. We got a lock and put an inscription on it. The inscriptions were supposed to be ones of love. At least, that was my impression. Michael, of course, joked about bringing an unlockable lock in case one of us got a 7-year itch. Or worse. A 7-year Rash. He's a funny guy.
So, I was trying to think of something profound about eternal love when Tammy said, "They Said It Wouldn't Last," as a suggestion for hers and Randy's first Love Lock.
So, that set the tone and Michael and I entertained many possibilities. It was hard to choose an inscription. For an un-unlockable lock, you have to be pretty sure of what you are choosing.

We chose, "The Three Best Friends That Anyone Could Have B.M.W." Ask me if you want to know what that is in reference to. (I just ended that sentence with a dangling participle. Forgive me.)
It was fun, and a really cool idea. It reminded me of the chalk wall on Charlottesville's Downtown Mall, only the messages are permanent. So, that was that.

Rants and Raves...

Usually when I rant, I end up regretting what I have ranted.
@#$& regret and full speed ahead!
I strongly dislike when I end up doing all of the cleaning!
I don't know how it happens, but it does. Often.
I even take the crappy jobs so that the workload is shared.
Still. Nothing.
He never lifts a finger! Not one.
I scrub and wash and fold and today I even tried taking the double-paned windows apart to clean the hard water marks off of them, so I can spy on my obnoxious-dog-owning neighbors.
Did he even offer sage advice? Nope.
I vaccuumed. Again.
I did laundry and dishes.
I cleaned mirrors.
Sigh.
Will any of this change when he learns how to walk?
:)
I love him.

Walker is so cool.

It's true. Every day he does something new. Well, I've been doing some of these things for years, so I suppose I mean they are new to him.
For instance(s):
He wrinkles up his nose and breathes heavily through it. It ends up almost snorty, but without the snort.
He crawls.
He eats baby food.
He tries typing.
I remember when he was just a little lump of a guy. He used to just sit on my shoulder. Well, that makes him sound like he was a pirate parrot. He would rest his head, which he could not hold up himself, on my shoulder.
And right now, he is sleeping. I love it.
I hate the stupid dog who lives next door. It lives with a family. It is barking loudly, and the chickens are clucking loudly. I turned the fan on high to try to "blend" the noises. Now it is a regular morning symphony.
I just checked and Walker is still asleep.
I could shower if I wanted. I think I will take a nap, though.

Bonny and the Terrible 28's

Today has been pretty bad. Has anyone ever heard of, or read, the book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"? That is how I feel.
I woke up so excited to take family pictures tonight, with one of my friends who is a photographer, and is giving me a sweet deal on them. We have a really cute shoot planned. I did my hair and makeup. I even got my bangs trimmed yesterday by the coolest stylist in the west. Her name is Alesha, and she is so great to talk to, that I feel like I need to go in her salon at least once a week just to vent!
Anyway, my poor little Haley is sick today, so we had to postpone pictures. It's fine, because I had about 2 hours of sleep last night, thanks to my stupid idea of making Walker go to bed early. He was shifty all night. Grunting. Growling.
A regular wild.
I tried bringing him into bed with me. For my troubles, I got several not-so-swift kicks to the abdomen, and a sweaty arm. Babies sweat.
So, I had dark circles under my eyes. Pictures weren't the best idea. But I wanted them.
Then, I asked Mike if Ghengis Kahn ate last night when he fed him. Mike said no. It was weird, though. Like when someone is telling you, in a roundabout way that someone has died. He was. Ghengis was doing a wheelie. The problem is this: He isn't dead yet. He is still gulping air ever so slowly. I called to see what could be done, and the kid at the pet store said he is just old, and probably nothing will help.
Meanwhile, I want to stay out of the living room, so I don't see Ghengis in his dyingness, but I can't. I just feel like someone should witness it. I'd want someone to witness my crossing of the bar. I got some french fries on the way home from the office. I then vowed to not eat them until Ghengis dies. Part of it is because it grosses me out to eat and look at him dying.
Work. Work is usually good, but I couldn't shake the feeling of crawly-ness. It's like my spirit won't settle down enough to concentrate on any one thing. I managed to get my work done, and found out that I get to make a two hour trip tomorrow to pick something up from another office. The reason I didn't go today is that I was afraid I would get pulled over, or worse. Because that is how my day is.
I talked to my sister and my dad. That was good.
I ended up eating some fries just now and Ghengis still lives. I'm a terrible friend to fish.
I cried and cried this morning. Then, to my dismay, I realized that this is the first time I have ever bought mascara that isn't waterproof.
My toenail polish is smudged.
I miss my family. But, I am the one who moved away, so I don't think anyone will feel sorry for me. Not that I want pity, but if I did, it would be nice to know I could get some.
I saw Mike's face when I begged him to give Ghengis a blessing. He smiled nicely, but said no. I saw his face when I cried hysterically. It was hysterically.
And you know what? I love animals. Even fish. As I was praying, I asked Heavenly Father to send Ghengis straight to my mum. "She'll know just what to do," I told Him.
And then, I think I understood that I wasn't worried for Ghengis. I was worried for me. I don't magically get mom back when I'm 65, like retirement. It's not a reward that can be given for acheiving a ripe old age. And, I don't want to leave anybody I love who is still here.
I'm a horrible, jealous person. I get so jealous of people with mom's. I'm even jealous of Michael. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. His mom is so great and I'm glad she is still alive.
I get jealous of Utah girls with Utah hair who walk in Walmart with mom's with Utah hair and teen's jeans.
And I think, "This year is too hard." Then, I look at Walker and wonder how I can ever think that. But it's hard.
Why can't I just have both my son and my mother?
My throat feels like there is a lump in it all of the time.
And, I cleaned out Ghengis's tank a few days ago, so it could be my fault he is dying.

Ghengis Kahn

Our first pet is dying.
His name is Ghangis Kahn, and he is a Betta Fish.
He hasn't eaten for days, and the fish man at PetCo said that he is probably just old. He advised me to get some Fresh Water Aquarium Salt, which is like a fish Gatorade. He said it probably won't help. Poor Ghengis needs something.
I am sick to death of death.

Walker B. and Daddy and Me

Walker is growing up so quickly. I have some videos to post that are now outdated, because he is so different. I'm going to post them anyway. I love it when he talks! He tries so hard to match your tone, and is thrilled when you match his. He talks with me, but goes wild with his daddy. Michael will have Walker lying on the bed, and I will hear this bellowing and squealing coming from the other room only to go in to see my son yelling at the top of his lungs at his dad. It is the funniest thing. All Michael usually responds with is, "What?". Here is a particularly good video that exhibits Walker's vocal range.

Michael is a officially a fireman now. I thought that finishing the Academy would mean that I would see him more. Hahaha. Volunteer firemen, in St. G., are always on call. Always. That small black box is with us everywhere we go. To work, to Grandma's, to dinner...to bed. It's true. I have been sleeping the sound sleep of a new mommy with a 4-month old, only to hear an incredibly piercing buzzer sound. We wake up and Michael heads out. I get a little bit grumpy about this pager, as you may be able to tell. I do want him to go on lots of calls, and he loves it. I suppose I just feel like I would like to be able to count on him being around! It's a fairly new occurrence, so we're just starting to set limits, and parameters, so we know when we are too far out of town to turn around and go back for a call.


This is M in his brush fire (I think...) turn-outs. Walker is blurred. You noticed. Very good. There were a few of a non-blurry Sev, but this one truly captures the vigor with which Walker was eating his father's mask. We sometimes call him Zombie Baby, because he loves the taste of faces, arms, hands, etc.

What I Think

I remember my mother's hands. Like a lily, they were smooth and ivory. They were beautiful and I worshipped them.

My mother's hands did amazing things.

Their knuckles were never cracked or nails bitten.

They turned the pages of "The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room" so many times that I swear the ink got rubbed off of one or two passages.

They kneaded soft white bread dough so adeptly that I still feel like I am cheating when I use my Kitchen Aid.

They french-braided my hair and brushed it. A few times, after a lice scare at school was long forgotten, they were coerced into running through my hair, strand by strand, to check for things like nits, which sounded dangerous. Only much later, in Microbiology, did I realize that nits are eggs and not baby lice.

They held my hand on walks.

They stunned me by actually catching pale, spindly sand crabs at the shore.

They wore a simple gold wedding band for 38 years.

They washed dishes, sometimes in over-sized yellow or green rubber gloves, but usually bare.

They used to squeeze out frothy shampoo bubbles into smiley faces on my tummy at bath time, even when I was old enough to remember.

They exchanged hard-earned money for school clothes for me that I had wanted for weeks but which she had wanted for me long before I even laid eyes on them.

They filled out hours upon hours of paperwork, in my behalf, for school registration, library cards and permission slips for field trips or bus passes for sleepovers. I now wish that I had not spent even one single night in a house that was separate from her.

They bathed dogs and cats, and they still drove me home from practice when an untimely veterinarian visit left them red with Virginia clay and scratched from claws. I'm ashamed that I was embarrassed at the clay and cuts.

They administered many doses of antibiotics and other medications for various ailments I acquired. They even spoon-fed me maple syrup once, when I had the stomach flu, because my mother had heard somewhere that it would stop vomiting in its tracks. It didn't.

They folded patiently in her lap and even clapped when I performed "shows" for her from my bed or, much later, on stage.

They wrote me precious letters, signed "Mom".

They decorated hundreds of birthday cakes with many hues of frosting and various candies, always with a hidden heart, which was a joy to find.

They made pancakes for dinner on Shrove Tuesday.

They gathered firewood with us.

They cooked on a wood stove in blizzards and carried floatable flashlights during mountainside treks in floods.

They wiped nine little noses and held nine little babies close, each one her favorite.

They typed at an astonishing speed, first on a gray electric typewriter, then a computer keyboard of the same color, to write emails, once enjoyed, now cherished.

They scratched my back the best.

They held me close the night before my wedding, as we both cried at the changes life brings.

They clasped in prayer with my hands many, many times.

They dialed my different phone numbers every March 15th, so that she could tell me to "Beware the Ides of March", and held the phone for hours while my mother and I talked about everything. Quite literally, everything.

They steered vans and trucks and little burgundy cars through all sorts of weather, through several states and sometimes, deafeningly, without a muffler.

They held my head as she kissed my neck the last time I saw her, when I visited home last May and they were folded calmly at her waist when my sisters, brother and I dressed her for her funeral.

They never held my son.

They will always inspire and encourage me and even sadden me a little.

In contrast, I crack my knuckles and bite my nails, and my skin is usually dry, but my hands work hard and play hard and I like to think they look like hers in some vague, small way.

Along Came a Walker...

I mentioned that life has been a bit of a roller coaster lately.  It's true!  We have had lots of great things happen. 
For instance, Walker's birth was an amazing experience, and one that should be shared.

I found out I was pregnant last July, and immediately called my mom.  We laughed and cried and then she suggested I tell Michael! 
"Oh, yeah," I said. 
I didn't want it to be just a nonchalant insert into a conversation, and I didn't want to just declare it, so I put the test in a ziplock bag and packed it into his lunch.  He pretty much overlooked it, so I removed the napkin covering it, and handed it to him.  His eyes lit up, and he said, "We're having a baby?"

It was a happy time.

I knew I wanted to have a home birth right away.  My older sister had done it numerous times, and it seemed so simple.  She just sent the kids to my parents' house and when they came back, there was a baby!  (If only that were the case!)

I researched midwives of St. George online, thanks to google.  I found Janae and described her website to Michael before calling to set up a consultation.  It was a great step for us.  We visited with her, and she gave us some information on midwifery to take home.  I read the packet, told Michael what I wanted to do, and called Janae back to set up our first prenatal visit!

Morning sickness hit at 6 weeks, and was gone by 12 weeks, with lots of cottage cheese and fresh fruit in between!  It was no fun.  Looking back, it doesn't seem as bad as it did to me then.  It's a good thing.  I got to ride shotgun for every trip, and Michael wasn't allowed to cook bacon or any meat in the house.

Our baby's womb nickname became "Sev," which is short for Severus, who is my favorite Harry Potter character.  An ultrasound confirmed it was a boy, and we were off and running!  Ok, it was more like trotting on slow-mo tortoise legs, because my due date couldn't come soon enough, especially since my BP was high for the last several weeks, and I had to lay down as much as possible!  BO-ring!  Luckily, my boss is super-understanding and I adjusted my work schedule accordingly.  Shout out to my friend, Melissa, who let me borrow some great movies to pass the time.

I nested, I napped and I waited...

I scheduled a maternity shoot with Amy Hummel for about 14 days before my due date.  The shoot was freezing, and pretty quick and very well-timed, as my water broke the next morning!

Again, I called my mom right away.  She said to call Janae.  I called her, and Mike and I waited and cleaned some more...well, he did.  I rested and put on make-up, thinking if Kortney Kardashian could look that good during labor, so could I.  Riiight.

My contractions became stronger and soon felt like one long one, so Janae came over to set things up.  She applied pressure to my lower back, which is where my labor was for its entirety, and taught Mike how to.  He rubbed my back and put some hot towels on it, while I proclaimed over and over how I wanted my mom!  (How her ears must have burned that night!)

I labored in the tub for a while, but a hand and knees position was best for me, so that was how I remained until....it was time to push!

At around midnight, March 1st, we delivered Walker.  As Janae had predicted, I was exhausted.  I remember wanting to just rest until Mike said, "He has a lot of hair, huh?"

The magic words!  I found energy that comes with a new life and a new month, I suppose.  A few minutes later, Walker was born.  Mike got to catch him and cut the cord, Janae weighed and measured him and gave him his first little bath, and I?  Well, I slept in my own bed that night! 

A home birth may not be right for everyone on earth, but it was perfect for us.  I'm so grateful for the strength I got from my husband, my mom and sisters, and even my brothers and dad.  I have such confidence in Janae and even some in myself!

It was a magical experience, and one that I hope to nearly replicate with our new babies who might be waiting and wondering if they can come live with us!

Strange Happenings...

So, we've not updated for months and months. More like a year, probably.
It's been a busy time for me and Mike.
Gained a baby (and 25 odd pounds, but lost it all!), lost a dear friend and mother and was genuinely ill-prepared for both events.
Nevermind. I'm too overwhelmed about needing to catch up the past year to post right now. Haha.