Bonny and the Terrible 28's

Today has been pretty bad. Has anyone ever heard of, or read, the book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"? That is how I feel.
I woke up so excited to take family pictures tonight, with one of my friends who is a photographer, and is giving me a sweet deal on them. We have a really cute shoot planned. I did my hair and makeup. I even got my bangs trimmed yesterday by the coolest stylist in the west. Her name is Alesha, and she is so great to talk to, that I feel like I need to go in her salon at least once a week just to vent!
Anyway, my poor little Haley is sick today, so we had to postpone pictures. It's fine, because I had about 2 hours of sleep last night, thanks to my stupid idea of making Walker go to bed early. He was shifty all night. Grunting. Growling.
A regular wild.
I tried bringing him into bed with me. For my troubles, I got several not-so-swift kicks to the abdomen, and a sweaty arm. Babies sweat.
So, I had dark circles under my eyes. Pictures weren't the best idea. But I wanted them.
Then, I asked Mike if Ghengis Kahn ate last night when he fed him. Mike said no. It was weird, though. Like when someone is telling you, in a roundabout way that someone has died. He was. Ghengis was doing a wheelie. The problem is this: He isn't dead yet. He is still gulping air ever so slowly. I called to see what could be done, and the kid at the pet store said he is just old, and probably nothing will help.
Meanwhile, I want to stay out of the living room, so I don't see Ghengis in his dyingness, but I can't. I just feel like someone should witness it. I'd want someone to witness my crossing of the bar. I got some french fries on the way home from the office. I then vowed to not eat them until Ghengis dies. Part of it is because it grosses me out to eat and look at him dying.
Work. Work is usually good, but I couldn't shake the feeling of crawly-ness. It's like my spirit won't settle down enough to concentrate on any one thing. I managed to get my work done, and found out that I get to make a two hour trip tomorrow to pick something up from another office. The reason I didn't go today is that I was afraid I would get pulled over, or worse. Because that is how my day is.
I talked to my sister and my dad. That was good.
I ended up eating some fries just now and Ghengis still lives. I'm a terrible friend to fish.
I cried and cried this morning. Then, to my dismay, I realized that this is the first time I have ever bought mascara that isn't waterproof.
My toenail polish is smudged.
I miss my family. But, I am the one who moved away, so I don't think anyone will feel sorry for me. Not that I want pity, but if I did, it would be nice to know I could get some.
I saw Mike's face when I begged him to give Ghengis a blessing. He smiled nicely, but said no. I saw his face when I cried hysterically. It was hysterically.
And you know what? I love animals. Even fish. As I was praying, I asked Heavenly Father to send Ghengis straight to my mum. "She'll know just what to do," I told Him.
And then, I think I understood that I wasn't worried for Ghengis. I was worried for me. I don't magically get mom back when I'm 65, like retirement. It's not a reward that can be given for acheiving a ripe old age. And, I don't want to leave anybody I love who is still here.
I'm a horrible, jealous person. I get so jealous of people with mom's. I'm even jealous of Michael. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. His mom is so great and I'm glad she is still alive.
I get jealous of Utah girls with Utah hair who walk in Walmart with mom's with Utah hair and teen's jeans.
And I think, "This year is too hard." Then, I look at Walker and wonder how I can ever think that. But it's hard.
Why can't I just have both my son and my mother?
My throat feels like there is a lump in it all of the time.
And, I cleaned out Ghengis's tank a few days ago, so it could be my fault he is dying.